Unspoken feelings-A true story by Wei Er..

Thoughts of her will still make me well up with tears despite that she has already passed away for 4 years, the pain of losing her, the unspoken feelings I had for her… It was during my secondary school days that I got to know her, I was 16, and she was 14. We were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. Being courteous I stood up and offer a handshake, introducing myself. She was like the others, laughing at my weird name.Soon we were spending time together despite that we spoke very little to each other. And I realized that we had quite a number of mutual friends. Over time my feelings for her developed, her smile, and her sweetness attracted me a lot. She became my source of motivation, for I strive hard in my studies. From scoring borderline marks for all subjects to a top scorer in my class. Due to being small size, I was often bullied by my classmates; going to school became rather depressing. But she changed it all, I looked forward to our meetings at the library after classes ended.One day when I couldn’t sleep, I then wonder if I should confess my feelings to her. I was hoping to get to know her further, not rushing into a bgr relationship. But then I realized that I was not good enough for her, she was a top scorer in class where all the elites were. I was in a class that was notorious for being trouble makers. I don’t think that I am good enough for her, no looks no brains, kind of useless. It would be disgraceful and that I should be content with that she would even be friends with me. I tossed a coin which indicated that I should tell her how I felt.Coincidentally I really did saw her the next day. I told her that I got something that I would like to tell her, but then no words came out of my mouth. I got cold feet, for thoughts that I am not good enough for her came to my mind. In the end I left saying that I had forgotten what I wanted to say. I was upset hence I decided to concentrate on my studies instead. For that period I really forgotten about her, for what was on my mind was to be number 1 in class.Soon it was time for a major examination; I prayed hard that I could score well for it. When the results came out, I was number 1 in my level with the best score. I wanted to share the joy with her and perhaps that it might seem a good time to confess to her. Sadly I never met her.When the next academic year came, I anxiously searched for her but I couldn’t find her. Her classmates guess that she might be sick.Later that day 2 of our mutual friends came to me and brought me the news that she had already passed away. I was devastated, tears just flow. Neither did I get to attend her funeral due to objections from my mother who was quite superstitious. All that I had as a memory of her was a sweet wrapper which she gave me, which is still in my wallet till this day.I pray that she would rest in peace… If you asked me why I chose not to let her know how I feel. It is because I don't think I will be able to be there for her, I rather she would be happily being with the guy she likes. For her happiness is all that matters to me, so long I am able to stay by her side as a friend, that would be good enough. At least I still get to see her. Love is not about possession, it never was. Till today she still remains in my heart. My only regret was that I was not around to help her, to give her support. I know I could change it, she could have been alive today. To all people out there, though saying words to your love ones may be hard, do not hide your feelings. Express it in other ways